'Sleep divorce'?... The reasons behind the increasing trend of couples sleeping in separate rooms
The number of couples sleeping in separate rooms is increasing. While there are benefits such as deep and regular sleep, experts also point out some disadvantages.
When a partner snores loudly, many people choose to sleep in separate rooms. This trend has increased since the COVID-19 pandemic.
Speaking from her home in London, where they have lived for several years, Cecilia said: "I couldn't concentrate on my work. I was tired all day." She added: "I could tolerate a few nights, but long-term cohabitation was impossible."
"It wasn't an easy decision. It hurt a little," said Cecilia. "But I was happy to finally be able to sleep properly."
Cecilia and her partner, 43, decided to have what is known as a 'sleep divorce'.
Dr. Stephanie Collie, a psychiatrist at McLean Hospital in the US, explained: "As a general rule, people initially opt for a temporary sleep divorce. Then they realize that they can sleep better on their own." She said this in an interview with the BBC, adding: "Usually health reasons are the main factors... Loud snoring, continuous movement of legs, waking up in the night, frequent trips to the bathroom for medical reasons and back and forth movements can cause it Interfere with your partner."
She explained, "(Sleep divorce) is definitely becoming more common."
A phenomenon that is increasing among millennials
Late last year, famous American actress Cameron Diaz revealed on her podcast 'Lipstick on the Rim' that she no longer sleeps in the same room as her husband.
She said: "I don't think separate bedrooms should be seen as strange."
This revelation sparked a heated reaction on social media and led to various articles. However, this is not a unique situation for this Hollywood actress.
According to a study last year by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), more than a third of respondents in the U.S. occasionally or regularly sleep in separate rooms to improve sleep quality.
According to the survey, this trend is particularly pronounced among the millennial generation (roughly between 28 and 42 years old). Almost half of them (43%) said they sleep in separate bedrooms from their partners.
Looking at different age groups, Generation ) was 22%.
Dr. Collie explained: "We can't be sure why the younger generation prefers separate bedrooms, but we can surmise a few things." She added: "First of all, the stigma associated with couples sleeping apart is less. The culture is changing. The younger generation thinks, 'If better sleep leads to better mood, why not?'"
Historically, separate bedrooms were common for couples
Historically, attitudes towards separate bedrooms for couples have changed.
According to some historians, the concept of a 'couple bed (or double bed)' is a modern concept as more and more couples lived in densely populated areas during the Industrial Revolution and slept in the same bed.
However, until the 19th century, couples generally slept in separate rooms.
Dr. Pablo Brockman, a sleep specialist at the Faculty of Medicine at the Catholic University of Chile, explained: "In addition, the higher the socioeconomic level, the more common it was." He added: "You see that in kings."
Advantages?
First, experts agree that there are some benefits to separate bedrooms.
Dr. Collie said: "The biggest benefit is the ability to sleep regularly and deeply." She added: "Sleep quality is essential to overall quality of life."
"When you don't sleep properly, it affects everything from your immune system to your physical functions. You become more irritable and impatient. You can even become depressed," she explained.
Dr. Collie also believes a "sleep divorce" helps maintain a "healthier" relationship.
"Couples who don't get adequate sleep together tend to argue more often, become more irritable and lose empathy. Everyone knows this," she added.
Dr. Sima Kosla, a pulmonologist and spokesperson for the AASM, also agreed.
Dr. Kosla recalled that the AASM has begun its research on 'sleep divorce'. She said: "The AASM knows that lack of sleep can affect mood, and people who are sleep-deprived tend to argue more often with their partners."
"Difficulty sleeping can lead to increased anger toward others, which can also negatively impact relationships," she noted.
"Since restful sleep is an important factor in health and happiness, it is not surprising that some couples choose to choose separate bedrooms for a better quality of life."
Cecilia also said that her life has changed due to the separation of bedrooms with her partner.
“I feel a lot more comfortable,” Cecilia said. "The quality of sleep has improved, I can use the bed more widely and move around without being disturbed by others..."
"And I no longer have to get up at the same time as my partner. I can get up when I want, when I need to get up."
Disadvantages?
So are there any disadvantages? First of all, the most obvious disadvantage is that it requires an extra bed and usually an extra room, making it impossible for some couples to even try.
But even if it is possible, there are some negative effects to think about.
Experts warn that many couples have concerns about affecting intimacy.
Cecilia admitted that "something" has changed in her relationship and intimacy with her partner since they have separate bedrooms.
"It had a negative impact on the relationship and intimacy," she admitted. "But it's not that bad. The benefits outweigh the negatives in my opinion."
Dr. Collie also emphasized that the time when partners feel the most connection is often when they go to bed.
"Therefore, effective use of the time couples spend together is a solution," she explained.
There are also couples who develop a “dream bond” by falling asleep together
Dr. However, Brockman pointed out that this "sleep divorce" isn't effective for every couple.
"There are definitely biological benefits to couples sharing a bedroom," said Dr. Brockman. "Many people develop a bond during sleep. This is an evolutionary advance. For example, mothers and children often develop a bond through breastfeeding. Because sleep cycles are similar, they rest together."
Dr. Brockman added, "There are even studies that show that couples who sleep together for years have deeper sleep stages." “This improves sleep quality,” he added.
Still, if you want to go for 'sleep divorce', experts recommend following some guidelines.
First of all, Dr. Collie: "If one person wants it but the other person doesn't, it can lead to resentment or even arguments, so it is ineffective."
"Some people don't want to sleep alone. That's why (if a partner suggests sleep divorce) it can bring up bad feelings. Partners must both agree equally, and it must be a decision that both recognize."
Dr. Brockman also agreed.
Dr. Brockman said: "It can be difficult for those who snore, sleepwalk or experience discomfort while sleeping." He added: "That's because there are also people who don't want (the separation of the bedrooms)... As a rule, men tend to object to it."
Additionally, according to research, 'sleep divorces' are on the rise in some countries.
According to a 2020 survey of cohabiting couples in the UK by the National Bed Federation in the UK, almost a sixth of couples (15%) sleep separately, and almost one in ten (89%) have completely separate bedrooms.
In contrast, according to a 2009 survey by the UK Sleep Council, less than a tenth of couples (7%) slept separately.
The National Bed Federation explained this change by saying that "the proportion of couples sleeping apart has nearly doubled in the last 10 years."
In summary, it seems that more and more couples are prioritizing the quality of their sleep when it comes to who sleeps where.
